¨and I swear...by the moon and the stars in the sky¨

Today I finished all of the requirements to be sworn in as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Last Friday, we had language interviews and I´m supposedly intermediate-medium. Somedays my Spanish is better than others. We also had to be signed off by our technical trainers, Lane and Monica. This included a small community diagnostic of our training community. I was incredibly nervious to give my presentation in Spanish, but it was fine in the end. It was such a relief to be done with it. In celebration, I went to the volunteer´s movie night in Yanacoto with my 12 year-old host sister. The volunteers in Yanacoto borrowed equipment from the office to setup an outdoor showing of Wall-E for the children and families in their community. I was surprised how many kids actually came. They had popcorn and soda for everyone. I freaking love that movie! And it´s a perfect pick, because so much of the movie has no dialogue.

Today in training, we had to do round robin activities to show our proficiency in areas of security, introducing ourselves to community members, nogotiating rent and amenities, a general understanding our Peru´s history, etc. The swearing in ceremony is Friday. Tommorow, we have a special goodbye event with the families. Our group was lucky to have that fall on Thanksgiving. We prepared for food, entertainment (a Thanksgiving skit, dances, a photo slideshow and a ¨funny things the your gringos have said¨game).

I´m excited to get to my site and start my service, but I´m sad about saying goodbye to all of the teachers, friends and family I have in Santa Eulalia. My host mom cried last night because she´s really sad to see me go. We´ve become like a real family. My host mom and I have connected over the past ten weeks. We´ve shared our cried together while sharing our sorrows and because we were laughing so hard at cultural and linguistic misunderstandings. She takes care of me as if I were one of her daughters, and I´ve been spoiled in that respect. I think I´ll be more independent in my next household, washing my own laundry by hand and doing a bit of my own shopping for vegetables and fruits that my family wouldn´t otherwise buy.

But I´m looking forward to starting projects and teaching during summer school (which is winter in the States). And the little things get me tickled, like getting to wear a professional vest! In Peru, wearing a vest is a sign of a professional. If you work for an official agency, you have one of the vests with all the pockets and your name on it. And I´m a huge fan of vests in general. This particular style would be incredibly dorky in the States, but I loooove it. How cool is it that I can wear a vest with slots for pencils and get respect? And it is the little pleasures like that that get me so excited.

The work I´m going to be doing is going to be answering specific needs in my community in terms of environmental education, reforestation and the problem of trash. That in itself will be challenging and rewarding. I´ll learn how to get along housing in roughness most of my time, but then I´ll also get to enjoy some comforts from home. Twice a month, I´ll get to go to my capital city and enjoy thngs like a oh so lovely cup of Starbucks coffee, a hot shower, and maybe even a movie in English (Spanish subtitles). Every little piece of home is shuch a treat. A cup of real (not instant) coffee is so much richer. Pizza is a delicacy. Praying with a friend is sacred, a moment to be cherised. A phone call or package from home is the highlight of my week.

And even though my description above makes it sound like life is more vivid herethan it was when I was in the States, I find myself struggling with depression and feelings of worthlessness. I worry I won´t be a good volunteer, that I´ll fail to take advantage of opportunities and leave with regret. I miss having people around me who know me really well and I can talk about anything. Not having a strong Christian community is a struggle. And just ten weeks in, there have been things that I have said and done that I wish I had done differently.

So I´m ready to serve, but afraid of the things I´ll screw up. I´m trying to find the balance between believing in myself and not taking myself too seriously, being aware that failures and successes will both come. And I want to swear in with that sense of honesty in the forefront of my mind. I don´t want to take my oath with a romantic idea of what service will be like. I want to swear in with a promise to do my best, and to move keeping going even when I fail.