Saturday, February 15, 2014

Citation

The last couple of weeks have been challenging (in a productive way) at work. The whole experience has had me thinking about when it is that we choose to and forgot to acknowledge the people around us who help us get through our struggles. For as many times as my parents and family members have been there for me over the years, I rarely take the time to thank them for their encouragement, financial and emotional support...and even their patience with my character defects. In college and in the Peace Corps, so many dear friends cared for me through finals, break-ups, food-born illness, depression, when I was broke, scrubbing toilets with a bag of coins to eat on. At the age of 27, I'm still completely dependent on work colleagues and good friends who hold me accountable and share their knowledge to make sure I can do more than I could on my own. I haven't expressed my gratitude for the help that I've received over the years. Thank you all.

I've gotten complimented lately on being good-hearted, and I can't help but feel that I'm not giving credit properly. Every time, I shake my head inside, because I know better. I have a list at least 100 things long of what I do wrong on a regular basis:

1. Lazy
2. Disorganized
3. Critical - especially of family
4. Over-indulgent
5. Procrastinator
6. Fixed mindset
7. Slowest grader ever
8. Easily frustrated at my students/quick to anger
9. Forgetful
10. Self-centered
11. Often thinking about the past or the future more than in the present

...This is just naming a few. And we all have our own list. We hide it if we can, and let the good shine through.

I struggle to be honest about my struggle.

Most days, I'd rather keep that internal wrestling match a secret. It's better if I come out looking good at the end of the day. But the honest truth is that every good thing that I do, say, think - even the way that I choose to forgive and love people - I have learned from my experience of a God who has loved me with every flaw, not despite them. My friend Karissa recently said that God doesn't just love us and overlook our flaws, but says to us, "I'm so in love with you that I don't even see them. I didn't even notice because I was too distracted by how in love with you I am."

One day, I hope we all love one another with that kind of love.

This verse is over-quoted for a reason. It says it so perfectly.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

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