Cement floors

I was scrolling through my old blogs posts from back in the day on MySpace. (Remember MySpace?) I was looking for a poem that I thought I wrote. It turns out it wasn't a poem, but I ended up reading through my old entries. Several things surprised me. One, I didn't realize what a sappy-feelings-hippy-chick I was even back then. Actual old blog quote from June 23, 2008: "...life is still moving me like a piece on a checker board. I don't feel like I've spent enough time rolling in the grass. I just feel like wearing my tie-dye shirt everyday and throwing love around. The hippie in me wants to get lost in the joy of irresponsibility and living in the moment....I hope all of you are enjoying being alive today. There's something so beautiful about children, because they know how powerful the small things can be. Take sometime today to truly enjoy the hot summer breeze as you stretch out your arms, cute little kids in silly hats, listening to your music too loudly. So tap into those energies that, too often, go unnoticed."

The main surprise was the similarities of what old me was struggling with and the present-day me. The younger...less chubby version still stressed about how to put God's love into action, wondering what I'd be when I grew up. Same heartbreak, different girl...several actually. They could write a show called "How I Met Your Other Mother" from my dating history. (Now shake your head in disapproval.)

We all have this cyclical nature within us - mostly a good thing. There's a saying: wherever you go, there you are. You can try to run or deny what you've been designed to care about, you can beat yourself up for your personal struggles, but even those character defects are intimately attached to what makes you beautiful. Now, I'm not saying that to make myself feel better. I want you to really think about yourself for a minute. What is it that you see yourself constantly coming back to? What do you care most about? What is at your core?

And what struggles do you see coming back around time and time again? Those can be helpful to look at, because I bet you'll find that time and time again they worked out. For me, I call these my "cement floor" moments. For the first few months in the Peace Corps, I gave myself entirely too much anxiety over a cement floor. I didn't know whether I should put the cement floor into my dirt floored room at my house, because it could've made my room much hotter than necessary. Then again, I was worried that bugs and animals would dig their way into my room and attack me in the night. Hi-yah! And if I DID decide on putting in a floor, how in the heck would I pay for it?! Who would put it in?! How do you even mix cement anyway?! And you know what, I look back on my journal entries in my PC diary and think, "what a silly problem! It all worked out just fine. I can't believe I was so stressed about that." I got my cement floor...a green cement floor, because I didn't know what I was asking for in Spanish, but a cement floor at least! What are your cement floors?

I read a quote from Mother Teresa this week that said, "it is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy". My advice for those cement floor moments is to put all your force, all your heart into responding to the needs of those you have identified of others, to work through what you can and to pray, pray, pray. And don't forget to sit yourself down at a park and love on your God. Get back to your core!

Here are a few songs from that time when I was writing those earlier sappy blogs. Listen to them and send your loving energy out:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovoXEGxvLCU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNA9wlcroas


...And for those of you who who may be interested in the old stuff:
http://www.myspace.com/terraceh/blog