you can't make this stuff up

Okay, so apparently there is this thing in Peru called “crazy hour”. When someone throws a party, for any occasion (weddings, formal get-together’s, birthdays, etc.), you can hire a group of people to come to your party and throw a crazy hour. In the case of the crazy hour I experienced, it was a first birthday party. Fifteenth and first birthday parties are a big time in a girl’s life and come with grand parties. One of the community members had a daughter who was turning one. My host mom was catering the entire party, which consisted of a couple hundred people. She, my sisters worked all day to get the food and the elaborate cake made. I’ll post pictures of the cake, because I’ve never seen a birthday cake like it. It was so elaborate and creative – a Tinker Bell cake with candy flowers, trees, magical mushrooms and even the Neverland treehouses. Crazy! In America, the first birthday is usually a few family members over at the house, maybe a meal and an itty bitty cake for the baby to enjoy. This party was probably a couple thousand soles.

Crazy hour seemed normal for a first birthday, a clown to entertain the kiddos. The clown was wearing green eyeshadow and pink blush, white lips with a black nose. His outfit was orange with some wicked sneaker-style clown shoes. But then the clown starts dancing very provocatively. Moving his hips a little more than I expected, and then thrusting his pelvis to the music. He walks over to an older woman and gives her a lap dance! I’m freaking out and wondering if anyone else finds this inappropriate when he walks over to a man and starts giving him a lap dance. He stops to make a few jokes and then he is waving his crock and his butt in other people’s faces. I started looking around for the reactions of the crowd and my fellow volunteers.

Two girls (maybe 16 years old) ran out with the clown. They were wearing hot pink school girl uniforms that just covered them. They started dancing for the crowd. I was waiting for the stripper pole to fall from the ceiling. The clown called all the kids to the middle and had a dance competition. It stayed semi-clean except for a few sexual dance moves on the part of the clown and the kids. And then there was a moment where I thought the clown was about to make two kids kiss. I was sitting in my seat, very uncomfortable, very reserved. The clown looked over and came up to me and said something. I didn’t understand, but it made me realize I needed to chill out a bit.

Everyone ended up dancing the kumbia in a circle. People running the party came around with funny animal hats, glittery antennas, foam ties, and shiny masks for everyone to wear. We had long balloons to wave in the air as we danced. Then the clown and the “strippers” put two chairs in the middle and started pulling a man and a woman into the middle for lap dances. One by one, many of the guests were selected and pulled to the middle. Every gringo in the place was spotted and selected. The clown started walking towards me and I started screaming “no, no, no!” There was a moment where the clown seemed to be thinking whether or not to leave me alone. Before I could do anything about it without making a big scene, that clown grabbed my arm and sat me down. I received this incredibly graphic lap dance from a clown with a couple hundred people watching, many with cameras. All the while I’m screaming no, no, no. The men were given lap dances from the girls, often both at the same time. And all of this took place at a first birthday party. It is a story that few can tell. You can’t make this stuff up.