Dancin' In The Dark

Since I last blogged, here are some things that have happened in my life:

I climbed the mountains near my house (mountains to me, hills to Peruvians)...and fell down a large slab of rock on the mountain side. Luckily, I didn't break any bones, but it scared me. I screamed as I slid way too fast. I don't know if it was this slide or the others that ripped the back of my pants open in three places. It became clear real quick that this route was not a good choice for the class hike.

My host brother started a bar at my house which was a really bad situation – lots of super drunk Peruvian men several nights a week. One day, I was doing my laundry, listening to Feist and watching a man throw-up all over himself and our table and chair. The music would be way too loud, with men way too drunk. My comments of disapproval didn't make an impact until one night when the music and a married man hitting on me put me over the edge. No, my name is not “California”. I will not bring you another beer, and you cannot snap your fingers at me. Please don't tell me that you respect me, that you have four children and then follow it up with how pretty my face is. I told my host family that I couldn't live with the bar at the house. My host brother said he'd move the bar, but it led to a while when I didn't know if I was really more important to them than the business. The drinks kept being served and I just got more umcomfortable. One night I lost it when I could hear the music at my house from the school and came home to a combi, a truck and a moto with a large, loud drinking circle. I cried so hard that my body was exhausted the next day.

Update to that situation is that I am still planning to live here. My host brother has said he has for sure moved the business. He called me his sister. :) My host Mom, however, is moving for 8 months and taking my 5 year-old brother (my favorite thing in Peru). The plus side is that means I get to cook many meals for myself, which means lots of granola, cereal, yogurt, veggies and fruits! My real Mom is in Long Island for the month helping fill the staff at the airport.

Summer classes are going pretty well. We're still painting the mural. I have to correct half of what gets drawn. I'm trying to remind myself it isn't about having a map, but a mural the kids can say they accomplished. We hiked up part of the mountain/hill. They yelled and ran around pointing out all the parts of town, how small things looked from far up. Supposedly they saw a mountain lion. My host brother, Edwin, says he saw it too. I'm convinced it was actually a sandy-colored rock. We also went to the organic charca (farm), hopped around in the fields and picked fresh fruit and veggies. This week, we went to the zoo – an animal refuge for wild animals that were sold on the black market - monkeys, crocodiles from Tumbes, lots of birds and a fox. It's also the only place in the world that knows how to reproduce the Pava Aliblanca (a species of bird that lives in the dry forest and headed towards extension) in captivity.

This month was definitely my hardest month. The excitement of being on an adventure in another country had worn off and I was just lonely. I lost my camera, had a Peace Corps projector stop working properly in my possession and a laptop cord stop working (no cord, no computer time). And then I got sick again. And then again. (I think I'm up to 5 or 6 times on antibiotics in 5 months.) I went back and forth from thinking my family loved me to thinking they just would rather I leave so they could make money with their new bar. I wasn't sure if my host Mom even liked me as a person. I kept getting served meals to eat alone at the dinner table outside. One night, I cried while I ate my dinner alone. I've been exercising, but my waistline continues to grow. A diet of mostly rice and potatoes isn't helping.

But even in the midst of what seemed to be quickly becoming a very bleak situation, I dove into prayer, and taking hope in the words of Paul – to live is Christ and to die is gain! Exhausted from this world, from crying, from a poor diet, I would repeat to myself the promise I have in Christ: Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sin, and rose from the dead so that I might live. And in those moments this month when I didn't feel like I could be certain of anything else, I said that promise to myself over and over again. I knew for sure that Jesus had died and rose again so that I might live. Something I had before said with a slight hesitation comforted me, gave me hope that there is more to live for than what this life has to offer. The gift of faith couldn't have come at a better time.

I'm not sure what God has for me to do in the future, where I'll be in two or three years. But I know that I take this truth with me everywhere I go. My spirit wants to shout this truth in the plaza, in the market, to hold someone's hand and softly share those comforting words. Paul, who has been the apostle I've really struggled with – traditional interpretations of his letters – has been the one I have related to the most recently. I read his letters and they speak to my heart from a radical place. I understand the desire to go and proclaim the good news to all people. And I realize that this could get me in trouble as a Peace Corps volunteer. They told me I can't go around preaching this message. Surely the love of Christ is something that needs no words. I am going to blaze a passionate fire for Christ whether I try to or not. Even with all my sins, complaining about others being the big one right now, the message of Christ beams from my heart. To live is Christ. To die is gain.

...Since I initially typed up this blog, I had a dance party in my room. I was listening to the Phoenix album for the first time and thought I have to dance! I danced around my room like a goofball for the whole album and tried to think of silly dance moves I can make the girls at summer camp do next week. The next night when I crawled into bed, there were all of these dead ants in the bed. I couldn't figure out why and then I remembered the dance party in the dark. Apparently I had stomped them all to death. On a related note, clean sheets are amazing.